It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
