The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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