I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
