apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
