he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
