Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
