I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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