I forgot how hot balto sounded
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
