she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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