is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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