Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize