when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
