okay pat passed out under dana's car
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
