I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
