Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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