i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
