guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
