don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
