Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
