Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this will be a night to untag.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
