Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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