My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
