I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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