I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
