i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
