Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
