Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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