Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
