plz talk dirty to me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
