I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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