You made me cry and you don't even care
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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