Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
