i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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