Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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