So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
