These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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