he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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