My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
do herpes really smell.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
