I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
