How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
