I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
