I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
