in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
