She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
