I can tuck mytits in my pants
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
