I have demons in me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
