Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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