he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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