well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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