I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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