he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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