Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
