I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
