i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
