Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
