Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
