Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
