Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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