Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize