I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
