I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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