I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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