I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
