I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
