Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
