I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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