someone threw a dead crab at me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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