just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she pinky promised me she was 18
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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