the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
