i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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