you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
