i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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