i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
