The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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