i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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