Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
