he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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