It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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