I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
