erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
