Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
