and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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