After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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